Failed Experiment

It is as if our lives were rearranged so that we were unable to acknowledge each others existence. Rearranged so that what was could no longer be. Funny how its.working for you. You see right through me...matter of fact...you dont even see me. I cant even say u forgot...coz how does one forget what one never saw...smelled...touched...tasted

Ceaser Mata

BALCONY (this is the original story about someone I've already written about)

I feel you seeping through these walls. Sweet, raptured, cold but breathing relentlessly.

Your persistence amazes me, it frightens me. How many times have I thrown you out my room, off the balcony. How many times, as an act of self sacrifice have you taken a poisoned dart through the heart for me.

I missed you last night when you didn't show up. I left the window open and set your chair by the fire place.

You watch me when I'm asleep. Are my dreams that entertaining? You keep redecorating my bedroom in the middle of the night, I must say, I do enjoy watching the faces you make when you are struggling to assemble the furniture, as you have done with my future.

I don't know why you won't leave, but one thing is for certain, you return because you love me. Not because you're lost or masochistic.

Should you not materialize one night, I wonder, would I still feel this important as I do this moment as you escort me to the edge of my balcony.

Ceaser Mata

Bleeding Love Letter

Wow how we have turned out so evil, ripping each other to shreds only to slowly sow the pieces back together with the same thread we're hanging by, with no intension of ever stopping.
Waking up with false hopes and falling over our could have beens,
because of our reasons, we're no longer the people we fell inlove with.

I fed you to the flames, when I sold myself to fame.
You led me astray, when you allowed me to have my way.

What's the point of all this armour, if it has kept love away too.
No wait, love was but now it is no longer.
It's like you don't know me, and I don't know you,
and the more we use our weaknesses against each other, the more our demons grow stronger.

Guess we both took the furnace taxi, when we gave it a second chance,
guess we were only fooling ourselves when we tipped the balance.

Yours Fatally

CEASER MATA

My Sugar Sits Untouched

My sugar sits untouched, for I dread the misdeed it would be should I savour it on my tongue

A great deal of pain it would bring should I find pleasure, should I find its purpose under the sun

No longer will I sail across the sea of my desires, for you wait at shore

I do not wish to risk the feeling of hankering for more

I beseech you not to visit my chambers; I therefore assure I will stay clear of yours,

If you have set place, I apologise, I can no longer tend your heart sores.

Ceaser Mata

TORTOISE

I wake up with the surreal smell of contentment, stretching across all four walls of my room,

Realising that it has been almost a year, I suddenly surrender to the feeling of progress,

I smile gawking at the roof, as the air slowly becomes alive, I breathe in deeply, feeling it rush

Inside me and gushing against my delicate welcoming lungs

I can invite you back in my mind now without, being afraid,

I can place and leave you in a conversation without fearing the thought of your name

Or the manic depression it brought let alone the pain

I can look at our picture and smile at a period of my life

I rush out of bed some mornings,

 I crawl out most mornings,

But what I love about my mornings nowadays

Is that they begin, with a tired grunt and a grimace, and shortly after a smile amends my face

Ceaser Mata

Diary Entry 2

Fieldtrip to Port Elizabeth (Nelson Mandela Bay)         

Recently me and my ethnomusicology 3 Class went on a fieldtrip to Port Elizabeth, a coastal city in South Africa, where I happen to have a lot of family in. Whilst there on this particular excursion I learned a lot concerning history, heritage, social, political, economic and environmental issues. I was made aware of some of the unique heritage we possess, for example all of plants with healing properties found in Nelson Mandela Bay, specifically in Bethelsdorp. One of the edifying facts I discovered was the origin of the ‘African bead’ and how it is of European origin. I was even made aware of further areas where our indigenous resources a being exported, and sold back to us at exorbitant prices.

I almost saw the world’s oldest bible but that proved to be an experience for another time. Shared heritage was another important issue that was the discussed.  Issues concerning language and colonialisation were among many of the enlightening issues that the tour guide shared with us. Red Location Museum was the last destination that we stopped at, and we were given a tour and revisited some of the horrific events that took place during the Apartheid era. The trip was all enlightening, entertaining and psychologically exhausting

Excerpt

Excerpt from: Whispered

Written by Ceaser Mata

When I came to, she was the first thing I saw, she looked at me over her worn out glasses. "It's awake she said". I saw him, before, I actually thought about her words. I was confused, but that did not matter because he was here and he had a huge smile on his face, it made me uncomfortable. "Good morning *BEEP*" he said. "I hope you are feeling rested, after your lengthy trip from *BEEP*. I still can't believe half the patients even make it here alive. *BEEP* steers those horses like a mad man".

*SILENCE*

I remember now. I had woken up in a haze, I did not know what was going on. I was being tossed back and forth, side ways and everywhere. What was this thing that contained me like a stray animal. My inner quest was short lived. There he was, in his own cage, he looked dead straight at me, No! He looked dead, his face pale and his eyes startled. I realised that he was not dead, he was just shocked like I was.

When he saw that I had acknowledge his presence, he moved to the back of his cage, in the darkness. I knew he could see me but I could not see him. "Unfair!!!" I yelled....in my head. I could not speak yet, for some reason. I moved to the back of my cage. He was watching me, because after a while he came out and he inspect his surroundings. I realised, I had not seen much of where I was either. It would be annoying to him if I decided to step into the light now, so I let him have his moment.

Excerpt from THE LETTER OPENER

Excerpt from: The Letter Opener

Author:            Ceaser Mata

Right after I had said good-bye to my mother, my alarm went off to wake me up, which was ineffective now since I had already woken up.

“Things are going sceptically flawless today”, I thought to myself. As solemnly made my way out of my once comfortable bed, I wiped my tears thinking of how real the dream felt. My friend Darlene had already begun texting me seeking me out and trying to know where I have been all day.

I remembered my mom told me to pray and I told her I had done that already, but I felt like doing it again. So I put my phone on my study table and advanced away from it. I could still feel the thick realness of the dream trapped in my throat. As I began to tear up again, I knelt in front of the green couch at the far end of my room and began praying.

As soon as I had said “Amen”, I noticed that the car alarm that I did not notice before had gone silent at the exact time, at the end of my prayer. This was yet another occurrence that reminded me of my prayer that very morning for everything to go ‘as planned’. Maybe these little coincidences were not just coincidences, but they were confirmation from God that He was in-charge that day more than ever, at least according to me.